Relationship Recipe

Many Types

Everyone has relationships, and there are many different types of relationships. There is our relationship between God and us, us and our family, us and our friends, us and strangers, us and our enemies, us and our authorities, us and those under our authority, and for some there is the relationship between them and their spouse. We all have relationships in some form or another.

What Kind?

 The question is not "What type of relationships do you have?" but "What kind of relationships are they?" Are they godly or ungodly? Are they healthy, or are they weak, neglected, and ignored?No one desires to have bad relationships, so what are the necessary ingredients for a healthy and godly relationship?

The Recipe:

1. In order to have healthy relationships with others, we must first have a right relationship with God. Our sin has separated us from God and ruined our relationship. In the beginning of time, man walked and talked with God. His sin separated him from God though, and In order to have a right standing with God, restitution had to be made. Christ paid the penalty for our sins on the cross in order to bring us back into a right relationship with God. 1 Peter 3:18 says, "For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit;". We can not have a right relationships with others until we have been made right with God and are given new hearts.
2. Love is a vital ingredient for godly relationships as well. I am not talking about a fuzzy feeling. I am talking about the kind of love the Bible describes in first Corinthians chapter thirteen. Some people are easier to love than others, but Christ loved us while we where still sinners. Christ loved us when we where His enemies and when we hated Him. We must love even our enemies and especially those who hate us, for in so doing we become like Christ.
3. ^{Humility is essential to a healthy relationship. Pride will separate you from others. Pride is the root of all sins. Pride exalts the self and seeks its own interest. Pride is a sin! Philippians 2:3-8 says, "}Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;  do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becomingobedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. " Christ should be our example of how to conduct ourselves in any relationship! We must follow his example and be humble.Click Here for more on humility.
4. Forgiveness plays a very important role in any human relationship. If you do not forgive others, your relationships with them will be bitter and stagnant. You must forgive as God has forgiven you! God has commanded us to forgive. It is not an option!( See post entitled Forgiving as We've Been Forgiven for more on forgiveness.)
5. We will sin against others sometimes, and in order for that relationship to heal, you must repent and ask for their forgiveness too. Acknowledge your sin before the person you have offended and ask for their forgiveness and ask for God's. In the same way that you must forgive so that you do not become embittered, you must ask forgiveness so that the person in your relationship does not become embittered against you.
6. Serving is a great way to strengthen your relationships. When you serve some one, you are investing your time and energy into their life and into your relationship. Galatians 5:13b says "through love serve one another."
7. Another way to strengthen your relationships is to exhort. Look for ways to build the person up. Exhorting does not just include praising someone for doing what's right, but also encouraging them in areas where they may be discouraged or where they lack. You are exhorting someone whenever you are building them up with your words. Our words can destroy others and ruin our relationships, so making shore that our words are edifying is very important. Hebrews 3:13"But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." Also, Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear" Our words are very important! 
8. If you want to have a good relationship with others, you must be a good listener. James 1:19 says,"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;" Listening to others communicates that you value that person's thoughts, feelings, and Ideas. I struggle with this, and I am trying to become a better listener. Often I want to be heard and I forget to listen! It all boils down to my own selfishness!
9. You must also keep confidential the things that others confide to you and not spread gossip. Proverbs 16:28 says"A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." What an awful thing to separate close friends!
10. Not only must we exhort with our words and not gossip, but we must not slander with our words! Slandering is simply speaking badly of others. Even if what you are saying is true, it is wrong to slander. Slandering will cause relationships to ruin. Titus 3:1-2 Says "Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one (Emphasis added), to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men."
11. Praying for your relationships will also strengthen them. You can pray that God will help you to love, be humble, forgive, to be repentant, to serve, to exhort, to listen, to not gossip, and that He will help you not to slander. Pray that God will show you ways to strengthen your relationships. If the person is lost pray for their salvation, and pray for an opportunity to share the gospel. If the person has Authority over you, pray God will give them wisdom as they make decisions and that He will help you honor them. There are so many things that you can pray for in your relationships! Prayer always makes relationships better! Prayer is vital to godly relationships
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Examination

The things that matter most on this earth are our relationships. We must be looking at our relationships and actively seek ways to make them better. One of my goals is to build others up. That is one purpose for this blog. Be honest with yourself and ask, " Am I building others up in my relationships and helping them become more like Christ, or am I tearing them down with my actions and words? Am I showing my enemies the love of Christ, or do I avoid or mistreat them? Have I forgiven others, or am I full of bitterness? Do I gossip or slander? Am I listening to others well? Am I serving others or only looking out for my own interests? Am I repenting and asking for forgiveness when I sin?"Truly examine these eras. I can not say that I do any of these things as well as I'd like to, but by God's grace I'm making progress. Examine each area in your  life and ask God to help you with the ones that you struggle with. Maybe you need to repent and ask forgiveness from somebody. Maybe your relationship with God is is not right. Maybe you need to ask for His forgiveness. Godly relationships do not form by themselves. They take work, But the rewards are worth it! These are just a few ways that you can strengthen your relationships, but they certainly aren't the only ways. Search the scriptures for how you should conduct yourself in your relationships. May God bless and strengthen your relationships! 

Originally posted 2/12/13

On Gifts and Disabilities

Family Retreat

Joni and Friends International Disability Center is a unique ministry with many facets. I learned about Joni and Friends only last year, but it has had a huge impact on my life. For the past two summers I have been thrilled to have had the opportunity to serve at a Joni and Friends Family Retreat.

Family Retreat is a time when families that are affected by disability are able to rest, meet other families, and enjoy fun activities that are catered to their needs. One of the things I really appreciate is that it is also a time for spiritual refreshment. Family Retreat is not just a fun week; it is a time when the Gospel is shared and people are encouraged with the word of God.

I was so excited about the opportunity to serve the first time I went, and I was expecting to be a blessing to families affected by special needs. Little did I know how much God would teach me and how much I would be blessed. Joni and Friends has had a huge impact on my life, and I want to share some of my experiences and things I've learned from being involved with it.

Different Gifts

Many people do not know how to interact with those who have disabilities. I used to be afraid of their differences too and ended up treating them in an unloving way. I wanted to treat them kindly, but I didn't know what to do around them. Serving at family retreat taught me that people with special needs are no different than me, they just have different gifts than I do. It made me realize that God chooses to give each person different gifts and talents, and while we don't get to choose our gifts, we do get to choose what we do with them. We are all made in the image of God, and every person is precious. People with special needs are just people--who have special needs. Realizing this has helped me to know how to show value to people with disabilities. I've learned to just smile and engage them in the exact same way I would any other person. Now I have many friends with disabilities, and I have been blessed by their gifts. 

Juddy's Gift

I will never forget the smile on one boy's face when we lined the red carpet to cheer for the families that entered the chapel. We were already cheering wildly, but when this boy entered, everyone started cheering, "JUDDY! JUDDY! JUDDY!" I had never met him because it was my first year at camp, but it was impossible to miss him. 

Juddy is famous for his smile. He cannot do a lot of the tasks that we would consider to be simple; however, he has found the secret to something that psychologists still haven't figured out. Juddy knows the secret to joy. Juddy is in a wheelchair and can't talk, but you never notice his chair, and his smile speaks for him. He just enjoys the life God has given him, and seems to squeeze out every ounce of joy in each day. He has a gift of joy, and he shares it everywhere he goes. 

When I came home from camp last year, his smile was imprinted in my mind. I wrote a song in his honor entitled "He Gave Joy." Whenever I think about Juddy, I am reminded that no matter what is happening in my life, "this is the day that the Lord has Made," and as long as I amm alive, I want to "rejoice and be glad in it."

Ralph's Gift

Another person who particularly touched my heart this year was Ralph. Every year at Family retreat, there is a talent show that is held by the disabled campers and their families. It is one of the most memorable nights of the week. This year, Ralph sang a song called "You Put the Light in Me." Ralph is blind, and to hear him sing that song was touching. He has never seen the light, but he stood up there, smiling, and sang about a light that shines brighter than the sun and all the stars together. He sang about the light that God gives. Ralph couldn't see the tears that rolled down my cheeks as he sang, but his song reminded me of why I came to camp. He reminded me of my reason for living. I live to tell others about God's light.

Ralph has a gift for sharing the light of Christ. This blind man is leading others to the cross. He does not know how to make his way around well, but He knows that Jesus is the way to heaven.

Philip's Gift

Philip is quite a character. He can wheel himself so fast in his wheelchair. One day at camp I remarked, "Philip, you are so fast!" He replied, "I bet I could beat you If we raced!" I'm sure he could have. Philip is a very smart boy with a caring heart. One day I was holding the door for his Dad who was also in a wheelchair, when Philip raced up behind me, locked his wheelchair, and grabbed the door. He wanted to serve his Dad. Philip has the gift of a servant's heart. His eagerness to serve impacted me. It was more difficult for him to hold the door than for me to, but that didn't stop him. He wanted to serve. Philip reminded me that I should serve others even when it's challenging, and I should do it with a willing heart.

Mrs. Ellen's Gift

Every morning at seven, Mrs. Ellen met with anyone who wanted to pray. We had a list of everyone at camp and prayed for each person. Mrs. Ellen has a passion for prayer. If you ever mention a struggle to her, she will offer up a prayer right there on your behalf. She has her own challenges. Mrs. Ellen has spina bifida. Her "disability" does not keep her from serving the Lord. She can't do some of the activities at camp, but she uses her passion for prayer to serve everyone at the retreat. Nothing happens without the power of the Spirit, and that is why her prayers are so important. Even if we had planned everything perfectly, we would not have been able to minister to the families that came if we had not been empowered by the Holy Spirit. Mrs. Ellen does many other things to serve at Family Retreat; however, it is her passion for prayer that impacted me most. Mrs. Ellen reminded me that prayer is essential for every day of our lives.

I could tell you many more stories about the people I met at Family Retreat. Many would make you laugh, and some might make you cry. Even if I shared every story, it could not fully portray what I have experienced. Every person I met was precious, and God has uniquely gifted them all!

A New Definition of "Disabled"

Not only did I learn that the "disabled" are normal people, I realized that "normal" people are disabled. Prior to serving at Family Retreat, I thought I was a normal girl going to serve disabled people. However, "disabled" took on a whole new meaning for me after I met my dear friends at camp. I realized that sometimes it is the blind that really see truth, the deaf that truly hear God's voice, and the crippled that actually walk by faith. I was the one limping around on my own strength. I was the one who was blind in so many areas. I was the one who had a hard time hearing God's voice. I realized that my disabilities were just as real as theirs.

Spiritual Disability

"Oh! How hard it would be to be completely dependent on someone else for everything," one person remarked in a conversation we were having about disabilities. It would be difficult to need someone else feed you, clothe you, bathe you, and do everything else for you. It is hard to imagine what it would be like to be in the shoes of some of the people at Family Retreat. The truth is, we are all completely dependent on someone else.

 We all need God's grace and are totally dependent on Him. Thanks be to God who made provision for our souls! Jesus, the Son of God, lived a sinless life and died in our place to take the punishment for our sins. He offers His free gift of salvation to everyone who believes in Him. 

That is what Joni and Friends is all about. It is not just about providing a fun experience for people with special needs. It is about loving people who might be a little different, but who need a Savior just like everyone else. Family retreat is about pointing people to the One who can care for their special needs. The One who can give them life and hope and will one day wipe away every tear. The One who will one day call them to pick up their mats and walk, who will open their eyes to behold His glory, who will heal their ears to hear the music of heaven, and loosen their lips to declare His praise. Everyone who is in Christ will one day receive a new body and will not suffer anymore. Joni and Friends is not only about helping disabled people enjoy this life. It is about loving them through their trials and giving them hope that goes beyond this life. Joni and friends is reaching out to the people who are suffering from disability. It is helping them through their trials now and sharing the way to eternal life.

The Value of Suffering

Serving at Family retreat has caused me to realize the value in suffering. Every Christian wants the courage of Stephen, the boldness of John the Baptist, and the faith of Paul, but few would volunteer to endure the trials it took those men to gain them. The trials that people face strengthen their faith. Sometimes, it is the girl with a G-Tube that is eating spiritual meat, and it is the businessman that is still drinking spiritual milk. If we could fully understand the spiritual blessings that are gained through suffering, we would all be signing up. At Family Retreat, I learned that suffering is invaluable, and God really does work all things (even the painful things) out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. Our faith may be tested by fire, but afterwards, it will result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Pride

If there was ever a reminder to me that I have no reason to boast, serving at Joni and Friends has been that reminder for me. While I was at Family Retreat with people who could not do a lot of the things I never give a second thought to, I was reminded that the only reason I can speak, walk, or even eat is because God has given me those gifts. All the things I prided myself in were suddenly swept out from under me when I met my friends with special needs. "But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ." Galatians 6:14

More than Words

Only a couple of days before I arrived at camp this year, I found out that I was going to be assisting with Bible and music instead of being paired with a camper. I began praying that God would prepare my heart to worship and to lead others at camp in worship. However, I was surprised when I got there and stood before the families, that they actually led me in worship. 

When I looked out into the crowd and saw people who were facing trials and still praising God's name, it moved my soul to praise Him too. It was a taste of heaven to stand and sing God's praises together. These people were hurting and tired, but they still blessed the name of the Lord. 

I could not help but think of Job, who upon finding out that he had just lost everything, "tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped" Job 1:20. These people had many challenges and struggles, but they praised the name of the Lord, and it was beautiful. 

What I saw at Joni and friends was a true picture of worship. Worship is not singing a song. It is not a warm, sappy, gushy feeling or experience that you have when the lights are dark and the music is playing. In fact it is not a feeling at all. Worship is an attitude. It is an attitude that exalts God above all else. It is the acceptance of all His dealings (even the painful ones) with you as good, and the ability to bless His name at all times. God is seeking true worshipers who will worship in Spirit and in truth (John 4:23). Worship is an attitude, and it manifests itself in actions. I was reminded at camp this year that worship is so much more than words.

Looking Forward to the Next Retreat

I have learned so much at Family retreat. My friends from family retreat taught me a lot about my own pride and disabilities, the value of suffering, and true worship. Not only have I learned, but I have also built relationships that will carry over into eternity. Serving at Joni and Friends Family retreat has been a time of growth, encouragement, love, laughter, and blessing in my life. Of all the people at Family Retreat in the past two years, I think I have been most blessed. It truly is more blessed to give than to receive. I can hardly wait for the next Family Retreat! Even more so, I look forward to the day when there will be no more disabilities. The day when my friends from Family Retreat and I will all stand in the presence of the Lord, see His face, hear His voice, and sing His praises together. 

"Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor and crippled and blind and lame... that my house may be filled."

Luke 14:21, 23b

To learn more about Joni and Friends and Family Retreat click here.

For a free download of my song about Juddy, click here.