Everyone has relationships, and there are many different types of relationships. There is our relationship between God and us, us and our family, us and our friends, us and strangers, us and our enemies, us and our authorities, us and those under our authority, and for some there is the relationship between them and their spouse. We all have relationships in some form or another.
What Kind?
The question is not "What type of relationships do you have?" but "What kind of relationships are they?" Are they godly or ungodly? Are they healthy, or are they weak, neglected, and ignored?No one desires to have bad relationships, so what are the necessary ingredients for a healthy and godly relationship?
The Recipe:
- In order to have healthy relationships with others, we must first have a right relationship with God. Our sin has separated us from God and ruined our relationship. In the beginning of time, man walked and talked with God. His sin separated him from God though, and In order to have a right standing with God, restitution had to be made. Christ paid the penalty for our sins on the cross in order to bring us back into a right relationship with God. 1 Peter 3:18 says, "For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit;". We can not have a right relationships with others until we have been made right with God and are given new hearts.
- Love is a vital ingredient for godly relationships as well. I am not talking about a fuzzy feeling. I am talking about the kind of love the Bible describes in first Corinthians chapter thirteen. Some people are easier to love than others, but Christ loved us while we where still sinners. Christ loved us when we where His enemies and when we hated Him. We must love even our enemies and especially those who hate us, for in so doing we become like Christ.
- Humility is essential to a healthy relationship. Pride will separate you from others. Pride is the root of all sins. Pride exalts the self and seeks its own interest. Pride is a sin! Philippians 2:3-8 says, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becomingobedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. " Christ should be our example of how to conduct ourselves in any relationship! We must follow his example and be humble.Click Here for more on humility.
- Forgiveness plays a very important role in any human relationship. If you do not forgive others, your relationships with them will be bitter and stagnant. You must forgive as God has forgiven you! God has commanded us to forgive. It is not an option!( See post entitled Forgiving as We've Been Forgiven for more on forgiveness.)
- We will sin against others sometimes, and in order for that relationship to heal, you must repent and ask for their forgiveness too. Acknowledge your sin before the person you have offended and ask for their forgiveness and ask for God's. In the same way that you must forgive so that you do not become embittered, you must ask forgiveness so that the person in your relationship does not become embittered against you.
- Serving is a great way to strengthen your relationships. When you serve some one, you are investing your time and energy into their life and into your relationship. Galatians 5:13b says "through love serve one another."
- Another way to strengthen your relationships is to exhort. Look for ways to build the person up. Exhorting does not just include praising someone for doing what's right, but also encouraging them in areas where they may be discouraged or where they lack. You are exhorting someone whenever you are building them up with your words. Our words can destroy others and ruin our relationships, so making shore that our words are edifying is very important. Hebrews 3:13"But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." Also, Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear" Our words are very important!
- If you want to have a good relationship with others, you must be a good listener. James 1:19 says,"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;" Listening to others communicates that you value that person's thoughts, feelings, and Ideas. I struggle with this, and I am trying to become a better listener. Often I want to be heard and I forget to listen! It all boils down to my own selfishness!
- You must also keep confidential the things that others confide to you and not spread gossip. Proverbs 16:28 says"A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." What an awful thing to separate close friends!
- Not only must we exhort with our words and not gossip, but we must not slander with our words! Slandering is simply speaking badly of others. Even if what you are saying is true, it is wrong to slander. Slandering will cause relationships to ruin. Titus 3:1-2 Says "Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one (Emphasis added), to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men."
- Praying for your relationships will also strengthen them. You can pray that God will help you to love, be humble, forgive, to be repentant, to serve, to exhort, to listen, to not gossip, and that He will help you not to slander. Pray that God will show you ways to strengthen your relationships. If the person is lost pray for their salvation, and pray for an opportunity to share the gospel. If the person has Authority over you, pray God will give them wisdom as they make decisions and that He will help you honor them. There are so many things that you can pray for in your relationships! Prayer always makes relationships better! Prayer is vital to godly relationships.
Examination
The things that matter most on this earth are our relationships. We must be looking at our relationships and actively seek ways to make them better. One of my goals is to build others up. That is one purpose for this blog. Be honest with yourself and ask, " Am I building others up in my relationships and helping them become more like Christ, or am I tearing them down with my actions and words? Am I showing my enemies the love of Christ, or do I avoid or mistreat them? Have I forgiven others, or am I full of bitterness? Do I gossip or slander? Am I listening to others well? Am I serving others or only looking out for my own interests? Am I repenting and asking for forgiveness when I sin?"Truly examine these eras. I can not say that I do any of these things as well as I'd like to, but by God's grace I'm making progress. Examine each area in your life and ask God to help you with the ones that you struggle with. Maybe you need to repent and ask forgiveness from somebody. Maybe your relationship with God is is not right. Maybe you need to ask for His forgiveness. Godly relationships do not form by themselves. They take work, But the rewards are worth it! These are just a few ways that you can strengthen your relationships, but they certainly aren't the only ways. Search the scriptures for how you should conduct yourself in your relationships. May God bless and strengthen your relationships!
Originally posted 2/12/13
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